Oh boy! Summer is upon us and it is F-U-N. At least for my 4 year old son that doesn’t realize how terrifying it can be for us, the parents. Summer comes with outdoor snacking. Snacking on PB&J sandwiches, peanut butter cups, payday bars for the new mom, fun size snickers bar. Wrappers strewn about the park; EVERYWHERE. I taught my kid what littering was at the age of 18 months. I also taught him to NOT pick up garbage off the ground even if he’s seen me do it multiple times. My kid is not just ‘allergic’ to nuts and peanuts. He’s DEATHLY allergic to them. He ingests one bite and that can be it. So allowing him to have ‘free’ play in the park amongst snacking kids means that I’m always around. It can be both overwhelming and frustrating. Seeing the moms and nannies give their kids these treats and then allowing them to climb the slides and touch the swings with their stained hands scares the shit out of me. I have learned to make it fun though. He has gotten to understand why I am the way I am even though he’ll never remember that frightful night he went into anaphylaxis. His dad and I are the only ones who talk about it and tear up over it. He not knowing is a blessing and also a curse. He doesn’t understand the consequences of our diligence but respects them enough to abide by them. It has helped that he is also allergic to Dairy and will break out into hives almost immediately after exposure. That bothers him because the irritation is all too real and quite bothersome. He’ll let you know afterwards that he can no longer have it because it ‘hurts’ to be itchy. With nuts, I think he thinks it’s MORE hives? I’m not sure yet. We talk about it constantly and the education is there but the realization is not. Thank God? How DO you tell a 4 year old that death is looming if he is around these substances. I have tried and he’ll gaze at me with this naive intensity. I think he gets it then he’ll ask days later if he can have an M&M because his ‘friend’ said that they’re delicious. AHHHHHHHHHH!
Now with the baby being tested soon, we will find out if he too is allergic to anything. He seems to have the same eczema pattern that the older one did before he was diagnosed. If the baby is allergic then older brother will find a companion in him. If the baby is not then we educate, educate, educate and ACCEPT that. We will still follow the NO NUTS rule in the house but maybe the baby can have a special treat when away from older brother and home. I never in a million years thought my kid would have such a life sentence and I am even more clueless on what to do if the baby doesn’t have the same issues. My kid never got to enjoy the Cow’s milk in a sippy cup phase. Once he weaned from the breast, he was on formula for a couple months because I got sick and couldn’t nurse him for a weekend. I guess that was enough for him to take to formula. He then went on to organic Enriched SOY milk. Never has he tasted milk. Or cheese. Or yogurt. So hubby and I have ALWAYS known it to be this way. What if baby goes on to drink whole milk, crave cheese in his macaroni. Want that gogurt that kids go crazy over. Ask for a Butterfinger that his older brother will never be able to have. The baby is 8 months old now and we will find out his allergies within the month. So what am I saying? Do I want a partner for my son, do I want to experience a different way with this one, do I not care and will wing whatever it is that comes my way? So many questions and no answers. I simply don’t know. I care. But I will not be consumed by this fear of the unknown. Something is about to change I know that much. I can’t not roll with the punches for both my kids’ sake. I can’t punish one because of the other and I can’t sit back and not do anything.
So let’s see on what happens. The waiting game has begun.